Eminently Eve
I can not believe that we are already in the second month of the year. The month in which the subject of love is talked about the most by many. If you were to ask me for advice on what to do this month for your loved one I would probably say, “There is no better way of celebrating love than spending time together at a mind-blowing nature reserve/game park (taking into account Covid19 of course).“
However, It would be unfair of me to not acknowledge that sometimes travelling for some people is not as straight forward as it is to others. It is even more challenging the moment two people decide to travel together. One thing that makes situations even worse is not being aware of the things to look out for that could ruin a whole trip. If you are aware of some of these issues at least you will be prepared to handle them more successfully. So below are 8 challenges associated with travelling as a couple that you might want to just keep at the back of your mind
1. Not knowing the types of travel that suits both of you
This is where a lot of the problems emanate from. Is luxury extremely important to you or you’re someone who can take a little discomfort here and there? Do you actually enjoy sitting in a game drive vehicle or you prefer safari walks or maybe horse back safari? The biggest mistake couples make is to base serious decisions like travel on a lot of assumptions. If you are going on a holiday which one of you really dislikes for one reason or another then you’re guaranteed to have the worst trip ever. “It’s the thought that counts” does not work in this case. Your thoughts have to align with what you both like or at least don’t mind. You already know your partner is picky so why put them in a situation where they have to compromise on things that you know very well they would never compromise on. So if they prefer to stay in a chalet where there is maximum comfort then don’t force camping on them.
2. Not being at the same level of dealing with stressful travel moments
No doubt, at some point you are going to be exposed to some type of stress. This may not be on every single trip you take but at some point there is going to be travel stress. A lot of it is from poor planning but some is from elements beyond your control. One of you might have a chilled character whereby they just go with the flow, while the other is extremely picky, intense and only wants things to be done a certain way. One big mistake couples in this situation make is not wanting to see things from the other’s point of view.
Unfortunately, a situation like this is nothing but a ticking bomb. The more you argue thinking you are defusing the bomb, the more you are just cutting all the wrong wires causing the timer to speed up and the bomb to explode prematurely and unnecessarily. As a result, you will have the worst holiday of your life. So first thing is, know your person before you even go on any trip. Not every argument is worth it. It’s okay to not engage a lot of the times. 99% of the time, many situations are never as bad as they seem and they are the ones that make a great story to share with family and friends… eventually.
3. Not having the same reasons for travelling
So many of the ladies who have asked me for travel advice have had this one common complaint. My brothers out there, what is going on?? So their partner announces that he will be taking them on a trip because he feels they deserve a break and some fresh air. The lady then assumes that it’s “their” trip; just the two of them. More like a romantic getaway, to be specific. Only to get to the venue and realize that it’s actually a group trip. There will be the guy’s friends, who also came with their lady partners. Then for the whole duration of the “romantic getaway”, the guys are just spending the time together doing “guys stuff”. Including during the late hours of the night because they realized that some very important UEFA/EPL matches are being played on those specific dates which they chose to travel. So it turns out that the guys had their own plans but tagged their ladies along for one reason or another. Sometimes it can be the ladies as well or just an individual who “plans” a couple’s trip meanwhile they actually have other plans. Please do not do this! It only costs you your peace of mind & your relaxation time. Just learn to communicate openly and honestly to avoid these kinds of ‘surprises’.
4. Not being clear with the budget
Never lie or fake that you have more money than you actually have. A person who loves you, will never leave you simply because you have $100 less. In the same sense, no matter the amount of money you borrow to impress that person, if they do not love you, once you can’t borrow anymore they will dump you! So do not pretend that you have more money than you actually have. This will result in your partner having higher expectations and will quickly lead to a financial argument during your trip. They will be ordering the whole menu, meanwhile you do not have money for those extras. Also check this blog post, “How to travel on a budget as a family in Zimbabwe“. It contains a lot of pointers that are applicable to couples’ trips too. And one golden rule when it comes to trips is, “Never in your life borrow money for a trip!“. Plan way in advance then save for it. We covered all that in detail in these two articles, “8 ways to make money in Zimbabwe which do not require capital” and “4 money habits that allow you to save for your trips in Zimbabwe”
5. Different views on how much photography and filming to do and what to share with the public.
Admittedly, this is a 21st century problem, but nevertheless, one that causes a lot of strain on couples during trips. One partner will be so fixated on capturing every single moment. The other partner on the other hand, just wants to be in the moment and find the whole experience to be sacred, i.e. not to be shared with the public. Unfortunately, if this issue is not discussed prior to the trip, it ends up in a huge fight and argument right in the middle of the holiday. So if you know that your partner is into capturing every moment and into social media, then it’s better to bring up the subject before the trip. Discuss until you’re both on the same page then go on your trip.
6. Needing some alone time
Introversion is a real thing. Not the popular definition which is, “a person who is shy and reserved” but rather, someone who feels drained if he/she spends too much time interacting with another person. People like this need some alone time every now and again just to recharge. Before travelling together, you may not have noticed that this is what your partner is like probably because you spend a significant amount of time separate while at work. When you’re now on holiday, you are together 24/7. Therefore, if your partner wants some alone time you need to be accommodating and understanding.
Some people actually don’t know why they want to be alone. For the longest, I thought there was something wrong with me growing up. I would always be in my room but when I came out to join the family I would be extremely talkative and then after a while retreat again. At first my parents were really worried until we eventually figured out that I am just an introvert. I’m lucky I got married to an introvert too so we can be in the same room and each doing their own thing for a while and then when we start talking it’s non stop. If you are with a partner who is an introvert you just have to be understanding and stop asking, “Is everything okay?” every 2 seconds. You will actually be draining them even more, which will then only cause the holiday to be an unpleasant one for them.
7. Having different interests
Of course, one of the basis of a relationship is having things in common. However, it doesn’t mean that you are going to have every single thing in common. So if you are into horse riding and your partner is into swimming (which maybe you are not into), then it’s okay for you to go on a horse ride while your partner swims (in case the activities have to happen at the same time). Please do not force the other one to sacrifice their activity for yours just so you are together. So many times I have heard couples arguing saying, “So what’s the point of going on a trip together if we are not going to be together“. I don’t know if it’s a dependency syndrome or there are other underlying relationship problems. But it is only human that you have some things in common and others not. So just allow yourselves to be human. After you have both done the activities that you love, it is going to be a bliss being in each other’s presence again.
8. Not being clear on who is responsible for what
A simple example is that of meals. Some holiday destinations require you to pre-order your lunch by 8am. If you don’t make the order, the assumption is that you are eating somewhere else. So imagine the argument that will arise when you get to lunchtime and realize that there is no lunch. You are both tired and hungry from the activities you were doing . Now imagine the type of arguments that will come out of that if it is true that, “a hungry person is an angry person“. Another example can be that of booking for activities. If it is not clear who is responsible for that, you can end up missing out on activities that you wanted so badly to do. So just make sure that responsibilities are clearly communicated. Do not work on assumptions.
These are some of the challenges associated with travelling as a couple and suggestions on how to overcome them. Let’s continue the conversation here or on Instagram or Facebook.
HAPPY MONTH OF LOVE… Remember to always have a little intimacy in your life and as always I’m talking about intimacy with nature.
